Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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