come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
