Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
