i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just googled if crying burns calories
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
