Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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