Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sacagawea was the original milf.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
