She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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