I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
