Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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