If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
