apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
