hotel room ftw
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
