Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
