Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
