Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
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Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
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My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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