FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
