I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
