I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We are all done wearing pants today
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
