I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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