i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
