i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
