Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The air was thick with penises
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
