I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
