you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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