I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
