"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
