Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
