first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
