I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We had sex on a dog bed..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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