Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
