he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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