Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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