My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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