Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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