whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
