Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
