I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
