He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
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5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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