My sheets look like a crime scene.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
