Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
