A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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