I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
