What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
