Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes