I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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