I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
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We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.