For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
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he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup