She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.