There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail