I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.