I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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