I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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