I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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