Whoa Z and x make the same sound
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
