I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
