It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
