WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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