Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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