why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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