This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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