Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
