lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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