I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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