did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
