I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
