Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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