i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
