You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
